Monday, 5 May 2008

Celebrities: How Tall Are They Really?

I've been hearing a lot of people go on about how short all the Hollywood actors are, how Tom Cruise wears special shoes to boost his height etc. But could this be true?

Are all the Hollywood action heroes really suffering from inhibited verticality?

I've read the heights of various celebrities on various websites and magazines (don't ask why I read such horrific celebrity nonsense, the shame is still to great for me to answer!), but seeing numbers on a page doesn't really give a good idea of how they all compare to each other.

Therefore, in the interests of increased understanding, I have used the latest technology (Open Office 2.4 no less) to produce a highly scientific graph.

Thanks to the wonders of modern computing I can now present a meaningful comparison of celebrity heights - ever wanted to know how far up Shaquille O'Neal Gary Coleman's head would be?

I hope not, but if you did, then your question is about to be answered:

I've included myself as a comparison (I'm about average height, maybe an inch or so above it), and as you can clearly see a monkey up a pole (6 foot) comes up to about Shaq's neck.

I'm about half a head taller than both Cruise and Banderas, who are both widely rumoured to be tiny, but as this graph shows, actually are quite normal. At least as far as height is concerned anyway.

The top of pint-sized popster Kylie's head would come up to about nose height on both these Hollywood heroes, and to just under my chin.

She'd probably come up to just under the height of Shaq's nipples. Yes, see how modern technology can reveal highly useful (and not even slightly disturbing) information - even 20 years ago we would have had no way to find out how far up basket-ball stars pop-stars' heads would come (save getting them to stand near each other - a highly expensive proposition!), but now we can calculate it in the privacy of our own homes.

Who knows that wonders technology will enable in the next 20 years?

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