Tuesday, 27 May 2008

All True Word Meanings

Words are funny old things.

People tend to give them whatever meaning they feel like at the time. Especially people who work in advertising.

However, here's what some of the words and phrases commonly used by advertisers really mean:

exotic = "contains mango"

tropical = "contains pineapple"

refreshing = "water-based"

revolutionary = "they come, and they go...round and round but nothing really changes"

probiotic = "its like a futuristic cyborg fighting against the forces of ill-health. And a bit yogurty"

new and improved = "due to industry regulations, and lawsuits from next of kin, we have been forced to stop using the older ingredients"

indulgent = "this product will make you fat and dramatically increase your odds of a heart attack"

organic = "still covered in mud" in the case of vegetables, and "expensive" in all cases

low-fat = "higher in sugar"

fat-free = "really high in sugar"

Free from artificial colourings and preservatives = "contains artificial flavourings"

may decrease the risk of heart disease = "we have no idea if this might reduce the risk of heart disease, and don't want to find out in case, as we suspect, it doesn't"

designer = "looks odd and costs a lot, but it must be good, right guys?"

rustic = "poorly made using inefficient methods"

real women = "slightly overweight and extremely out of shape"

family pack = "enough for one real person"

Serves 6-8 = "serves 1-2"

Edit 5/6/2008

Juice Drink = "an almost homeopathic dilution of juice in water, topped off with artificial sweeteners. 9 out of 10 packs will contain at least 1 molecule of juice

May contain Nuts = "almost certainly doesn't contain nuts, unless it is an obviously nutty product, but given that a) people will sue over anything and b) philosophically, nothing is truly certain, we felt it wise to add this disclaimer"

Contents may be hot = "the contents are probably tepid or luke-warm at best, but to protect us from litigious and seemingly rather stupid gits we are obliged to point out that our coffee may be hot. "

Enjoy as part of a healthy diet / active lifestyle = "this product is bad for you, make sure all the other products you eat are much healthier, and do lots of excercise, or this will make you massive"

Value = "you get what you pay for, and you didn't pay much for this did you..."


Helen said...

That's awesome! What abouot the whole "contails real fruit juice" when it turns out that it's only 2% and the item itself tastes like nothing on earth that could ever be called fruit juice...

Alltruism said...

Thanks for reading Helen, I've added some more entries based on your suggestion!

much appreciated!

Christina said...

I love it!! Been meaning to check out your blog 4 awhile now, finally got 2 it, and it looks like I picked the right time...this post, besides being very astute, is hysterical as well!
Thanks, alltruism...your wit is priceless!

Anonymous said...

Al since you like words so much perhaps you can answer a question. Do you have any idea whether the word "denier" (one who denies) had a pejorative meaning pre WWII? Thanks Mike

Alltruism said...

I'm not sure the word "denier" (one who denies) was much used prior to WWII. It only seems to be used in a pejorative sense, to describe those who deny strongly supported truths in spite of the evidence, like the reality of Holocaust, evolution etc, and more recently, climate change.