Sunday, 9 June 2013

A Tragedy At Lunchtime - The Half Pack Of Crisps

Just had a pack of [snack brand redacted] (Salt and Vinegar). It was only half full. To the writing desk!

Dear [name redacted] MP,

I have recently been the victim of corporate greed or incompetence, depending on whether the problem I am about to describe was deliberate or not on the part of [corporation name redacted].

Having purchased a pack of crisps from one of [local region]'s fine provisions merchants (I'll not name-drop here, but suffice to say "every little helps"), I sat down to lunch and opened the pack only to find it was not even half full. As you can imagine, I was outraged by this, and my lunch, and indeed my whole day, was ruined.

A little later, after I'd calmed down somewhat, I took the pack to the kitchen scales and weighed it, and found it weighed 15g. The pack clearly states 32g.

My blood beginning to boil - this isn't the first time large corporations have shown such callous disregard for our fair region, its people, and their lunches - I immediately contacted [corporation name redacted] via their website as instructed on the packet.

It is now nearly 15 minutes later and I have still not received a response, even to acknowledge my complaint - I know it is a Sunday afternoon but this is quite frankly outrageous.

My tea is getting tepid and I am beginning to doubt [corporation name redacted] will bother to provide me with a reply, never mind a replacement pack and compensation for my distress, before my beverage has cooled to the ambient temperature of the room (although in fairness my increased blood temperature will have raised that at least a little).

As I'm sure any reasonable person would in similarly tragic circumstances, I find the behaviour of [corporation name redacted] and their subsidiaries to be entirely unacceptable and am therefore writing to you in the hope that you can assist me in my fight against the corporate might of [corporation name redacted].

Perhaps you could raise this issue in parliament, and start the ball rolling with the UN?

Yours constituently,

[complainant name redacted], BA GCSE

No comments: